Within and Without

Every week, I have the opportunity to go to Daily Mass just hours after an early morning personal holy hour. This morning Mass is held in the perpetual Adoration chapel, so the Blessed Sacrament is exposed right before and after Mass. The priest reposes the Eucharist for Mass and re-exposes Him afterward. But last week, something was different. 
While in Adoration, I had a distinct feeling of anticipation for the upcoming Mass and being able to receive the Eucharist. Then at Mass, there was an intense recollection of having just spent an hour alone adoring the same Christ that I was about to receive. After communion and the dismissal, Father exposed the Eucharist, and there I was again adoring our Lord. The words that came to mind at that moment were "within and without".
In one sense, this phrase was peaceful and beautiful. Not only did I have our Lord within me, but he was also without, visible, right in front of me. How cool is it to be able to stand there as a human tabernacle of Christ, while at the same time adoring that same Christ in the beautiful monstrance in front of me!
In another sense, this phrase brings home a more sobering reality, the reality that while God is present in the world, and we have the God given ability to receive and adore him in the Eucharist, our fallen nature only allows us to see a shadow of this reality. The beatific vision that awaits those who run the race well and become members of the Church Triumphant in Heaven is unimaginably greater than our most poignant experiences here on earth.
This is something I've reflected on personally for years. Something that simultaneously saddens and excites me. Sad for what I can't have now, but exciting for what there is to come so long as I remain in right relationship with Him and His Church.
Last year, this feeling was particularly strong at a staff retreat. While I am no musician, lyrics came to mind and I awkwardly recorded myself. I share them with you below, not because I'm a good vocalist, but on the off chance that someone out there might enjoy them.
I reflect on this because, as a youth minister, while my relationship with God is not perfect and I am a sinner just like everyone else, I want every youth to have this same sort of internal conflict. I want them to love Him so much that they want all of Him, in every way possible here on this earth. But more importantly, I want them to desire and strive to be with Him in the next life.
In the end, the job of every youth minister is no small task. A friend of mine, Stacy Butler said it simply a couple years ago when she said "I just want them to love Him like I do.” and that is what I strive for daily.
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