An Intimate Man

Love is such a fickle word. Normally when we see it, we go straight to a wedding scene while they read first Corinthians and get all misty eyed over all of the wonderful things that love is (which apparently includes a picture of the bible with two fish hooks shaped around the quote...). St. Paul’s list isn’t necessarily easy, but it sounds so nice. One of the hardest things to actually convey in evangelizing a group of people is that love is an active relationship. And guess what? Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are work. There have been so many times in my life where I’m thinking, It would actually be work to talk to my friend. It’s not that I don’t like or love this person, but it would actually take effort when instead I could watch three straight hours of a TV show on Netflix.
It gets even worse when trying to lead a group of teenagers to put effort into a relationship with God. Because in their heads, God doesn’t crack jokes and isn’t funny. He can’t sit with them at lunch. He can’t satisfy their hormonal drive to cuddle or make out behind the school. And above all, to a teenager, God doesn’t talk back. So why in the world, would a teenager fall in love with God and work on a relationship with Him.
As an evangelist (which all youth ministers should serve as), we tell them that they should build a relationship with God because God loves each of them so much and desires a living relationship with them. He desires intimacy!
And this is where you lose every single teenage boy in the room. Heck, let’s be honest, you lose every single male in the room (myself included). The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (all men), came in flesh as a man! Now this doesn’t make God only masculine, but every Christian in the world is baptized in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. And now we are telling a bunch of men that another man desires intimacy with him. Now, without broaching the whole subject of same-sex attraction, most men consider intimacy with another man as an admission to sexual attraction. And, not in a way of homophobia but rather general disinterest, most men will stop listening and/or stop caring about what is being said.
So you see, the problem is not with the definition of God’s relationship with man. He does desire intimacy, in the fullness of its definition. But rather, the problem is with our connotation with the word, intimacy. Bl. John Paul II spoke of this beautifully in the fullness of his teachings on the theology of the body, and I invite you to read some of his writings or check out Christopher West’s books on the matter. But this isn’t the pope’s or Christopher West’s blog, this is my blog, and so I’m going to give you my breakdown of intimacy (apparently I’m really selfish).
Our purpose isn’t to redefine intimacy, because really the definition is perfect. Really, we’re going to explore three things that I think are necessary to achieve and build intimacy with God, and honestly, like all things with God, this applies to our everyday lives and relationships. These aren’t necessarily practicals, but maybe a change in our mindsets.
First, you must have desire. If you want intimacy you have to actually desire the beloved. You aren’t going to pursue a girl (or be pursued by a guy) if you aren’t attracted to them. If you don’t have a hunger for knowing God and seeking after Him, then you can’t achieve a relationship. God showed us His desire at the Incarnation and has been waiting for our response ever since.
Second, you must be naked. You can’t make a baby with clothes on, and a self-contained flower will never pollinate other flowers. This DOES NOT mean you should show up to Mass in your birthday suit next Sunday (for everyone’s sake). But you should always approach prayer with a complete openness to God and you simply need to bare it all, good, bad, & ugly. This is honestly why the seal of confession exists. A priest cannot share anything you say in confession, because it is an intimate and naked moment between you and God. It’s where you stand completely bared and don’t look your best. Then you specifically point out your faults so that God can remind you how beautiful you still are. You must be vulnerable and naked. There’s actually a song, written by Walker Hayes called Naked (you can find it at the bottom) that I found in high school, and people thought it was funny when I played it, but there was really a deeper message hidden away in it. The chorus is:
Baby let’s get nakedShow our tattoos and our scarsLet’s get nakedBare our souls and share our heartsLet’s strip it down until we just can’t fake itThere’s more to love than just the way we make itBaby let’s get naked

Walker Hayes isn’t some pervert or a nudism advocate or a drugged out bohemian artist. He’s a husband. It’s as simple as that. For true intimacy you have to be completely open, even if it’s telling a girlfriend or boyfriend that you value your beauty and body and want to only share it when you have complete commitment. It’s even just yelling at God and being angry with him, because that is the real emotion you have and not some fake motion you go through, even if it’s never really justified. It’s about being real to a God who knows you better than you do.
Finally, you must be receptive. You have to be willing and open to receiving from God. Sarah Masters was talking about covenants recently and explained that a covenant is not a contract where you say, “I’ll give you x and y if you’ll give me z.” A covenant is where you say, “I’ll give you everything if you’ll give me everything.” After we have been completely naked with God and given him everything, He WANTS to give us everything. And we have to be open to that gift, even if we don’t want it sometimes.
The reason I bring all of this up is because, as a man, intimacy is something I struggle with everyday. I love God a whole lot and am willing to give up my time, temporal desires, and sometimes sleep for Him. But most of the time, and I feel like this affects a lot of Christians and especially men, it’s because I’m looking for that z in the contract. I’m rarely seeking that deep intimacy that comes from giving everything and receiving everything in return. It’s not an easy thing at all. And that’s because it’s a relationship. It takes effort and persistence.
So you may never get a bunch of teenage boys to be super interested in intimacy in God, which is really the whole point of this short life on earth. But if they see the fruit of your relationship and intimacy with God, then you can get their attention. Because none of us really desire just the z. We desire everything and that only comes from a hard-working relationship with an intimate God.

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